Friday, August 26, 2011

Your Pregnancy Questions and Comments Decoded

Today I went and did a market research thing where I got to play with baby toys and get free stuff and money for it!  I am now super rich and ready for a nap.  At these types of soirees you get to meet a lot of different people and talk about your common interests, and of course, babies.  I don't know why I'm not tired of it yet.  I know Josh sometimes has heard enough. "Can we have just ONE night where you don't talk about buying stuff for the babies?"  Don't worry though, I mix it up with talk of breastfeeding, poop, and all the stuff that I know that makes me superior to other people.
In meeting all of these different people at social gatherings and events, and now having an obvious belly, the talk turns to babies quickly.  The questions and comments are usually similar but always have the same hidden meanings.  I'm here to help and inform.  The following is a list of questions or comments, their real meanings and my answers.

Do twins run in your family?
Did you use fertility drugs or treatments because you were having trouble conceiving?
I have a beautiful uterus and Josh is a sharp shooter.  What can I say?

How far along are you?
I want to judge if your fatness is what I think is appropriate for the weeks pregnant you say you are.
I'm almost 21 weeks.  I've gained about 17 pounds and consume more sugar than is suggested.  I'm assuming each of my kids weighs about 8 pounds now.

You look great!
For a pregnant person
Thanks!  You should see the acne scars on my back!

Do you have names picked out?
How stupid are the names you picked out?
I think we're sticking with Hocus and Pocus.

Are you going to be a stay-at-home mom?
Does your husband make enough money to support you and two kids?
Well, I'm probably going to work from home.  I have this great Ponzi scheme you might be interested in.

Are you planning on breastfeeding?
You're a horrible mother if you give your child formula
I'm totally excited about becoming a human cow.

And speaking of breastfeeding and pumping, I'd like to show you a beautiful picture I found.  

What the Eff?



  1. Ha! Okay that picture is hilarious. But! I wish I had gotten a hands free pumping bra! Once, I put my backpack pump on my back to try to chase Charlie around while pumping....and I wish I had a picture of mom found it quite hysterical.

  2. I'm totally getting the bra but I'm thinking we'll do our holiday cards with the twins, Josh, me, the breast pump and the pumping bra. Memories are so important-I'll cherish them forever.

  3. hilarious!! (and might i say, brilliantly on point!!)

  4. Make your own hands free pumping bra by cutting two holes in an old sports bra. All your wildest dreams will come true You're welcome.

  5. Christine, Love it. Question-would an old bikini top be sexier?


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