Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mama's Got a Brand New Ride

Today I had two friends' baby showers to attend.
Josh also ran a marathon this morning.
So while he was burning 864,000 calories, I was eating 864,000 calories while decorating onesies and discussing C-section versus vaginal delivery.

Baby showers all run a similar schedule divided into 3 sections:
Eat, play, unwrap.
My favorite part is the eating.  I'm not going to list what I ate today because Josh reads my blog.  But it was probably equivalent to like, some lettuce.

At the first shower I went to, I was chatting with some friends when I sneezed and peed my pants a little.  I excused myself to the bathroom because not everyone knows me and I couldn't just be like, "OMG guys! I totally just peed myself!"  Well, I could have but I don't know how many more showers I'd be invited to.  I like to introduce myself slowly to people so that once we're friends I can slowly start bringing in the crazy because at that point they're already invested.

I also wore boots today because it was 50 degrees and the other day my mom said I should stop wearing flip flops because she's afraid I'll trip and fall.  But that's okay because I'm investing in something that will make what I wear on my feet completely inconsequential.

Josh didn't exactly understand my whole elephant idea but I found something he simply can't argue with!

Check out the new ride, bitches!
I contacted the Scooter store and I can have one of these things like, tomorrow!  Here's a little info from their website:

"If you feel your limited mobility is keeping you from living life the way you want, then here's good news: a power chair or scooter from The SCOOTER Store could help you regain mobility and live the active, independent life you desire.  Reclaim your freedom and take back the life you desire."

Three words: Must. Get. This.
I asked, and unfortunately, they don't have this in pink, which I thought was a little odd since pink is totally the new red.

I thought it would be especially great to have this for Halloween tomorrow to make pregnant Trick-or-Treating a little speedier.  I just think it would be kind of a pain in the ass for Josh to have to carry me from house to house, especially after having just run a marathon.  

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sugar We're Going Down Swinging

This morning I had my 3 hour Glucose Tolerance test.  This was a follow up to my failed 1 hour glucose test.
Let me give you the rundown on how the test went:

No eating 10-12 hours before the test
8:30am- 1 tube of blood drawn
8:35am- drink 100mg of Glucola orange drink
9:35am- 1 tube of blood drawn
10:35am- 1 tube of blood drawn
11:35am- 1 tube of blood drawn

Luckily my friend Jess is visiting from California and hung out with me in the waiting room for 3 hours, playing MASH, reading People Magazine, and speculating whether other women in the waiting room were there because they were pregnant or just getting their paps smeared.

This time the Glucola tasted much better than the first time-I think it was because there was more sugar.  Essentially I drank the equivalent sugar content of 4 chocolate sprinkled Krispy Kreme donuts with none of the donut joy.  I kind of wonder if I could have just eaten 85,000 sprinkles instead and called it a day.

85,000 rainbow sprinkles

So now I wait a few days to see if I have full blown gestational diabetes-Can you feel the excitement in the air??
And with Halloween less than 4 days away, it's pretty much torture.  But not really because I think Milky Ways are sugar free.

And in other pregnancy news:

Today someone told me I was tiny everywhere but my belly.  I told her to put on some glasses and check out my ass.

My belly button is almost an outey but I think it's having an identity crisis so it kind of goes back and forth.  I'll keep you updated if anything fully pops.

I haven't peed my pants in a week.

My kids' arms and legs have been routinely stuck in my pelvic bone which feels super awesome.

I've had a slight recurrence of backne which just makes me feel beautiful all around.  And in honor of this fabulousness, I give you Jane Lynch.

Baby got Backne.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Miss You Sugar.

Tomorrow is my glucose tolerance test.  This is the second test to determine if I have gestational diabetes.  In preparation for this test I've been eating less carbs, more proteins, and more vegetables.  I've had barely any sugar and I think it's driving me pretty insane. 

This ultimately leads me to think of the future, my children and how I will get them to eat all of the things that I don't.

For your viewing pleasure, I've made a list of everything I don't eat.  Maybe someone out there can help me come up with a plan that doesn't involve me actually eating any of this myself.  As far as the kids are concerned, Mommy's allergic to all this crap.

There's probably some other stuff that I don't eat but it was taking too long to try to figure out what that is and it was making me hungry for the things I do eat.

Now the real psychological questions:
Do I blame myself?
Do I blame my parents?
Do I blame the cat?

I think I'm going to go with the cat.  She threw up outside of our bedroom door this morning.  Why do cats throw up so much?  She's eaten the same food for 6 years and yet, each time I put it out, she's so excited, it's like I'm feeding her a new and delectable dish.  No, Cat, it's the same dried crap you've been eating for your entire life and yet you still throw it up all over our house.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Shower Power

This weekend I had my baby shower (which might explain why I'm completely exhausted and not sure what day it is.)  So in lieu of my normal snarky remarks or sarcastic comments, I'm going to be super cutesy with a little bit of barfy.  My shower was "Thing 1 and Thing 2" themed which is super cute, and praise the gods of all things that nauseate me, not pastel colored.

The invitation was adorable and also had polka dots, which is a huge bonus.  You can polka dot anything and turn a frown upside down.  That's why I think we should start polka-dotting homeless people.

When I arrived, I saw the room and it was absolutely perfect!  Aside from it being totally my style (adorable) it also meant that at some point we'd get to eat.  So I was, of course, super excited.

Having so much family there when I walked in, everyone was dying to take a picture of me.  It's really sweet and all but why weren't people this enthused about capturing my image before I turned into a beached whale?

These are the fabulous hostesses!  I'm the one with the slanted eyes and belly.  I'm assuming my children will look Asian in photographs too and we can only hope.  When I was little, people taking photos of me would always tell me to stop squinting in the pictures.  If only I knew the power of the middle finger back then.

There was also a fun table for people to sign Oh The Places You'll Go for me.  And the best part about the book is that it's the "Party Edition" which means the cover has confetti on it and sparkles.  I like things that sparkle.

We played games and ate food and then I went straight to the dessert table.  Even though I'm gearing up for my second glucose screening, I knew there was no way I was compromising my sugar intake on this day.  The twinkadinks totally agreed with me.

Could my shower be any sweeter? I know, lame. You can't have any.
And then we got to open presents!  Josh even came to help because if he hadn't, I would have probably passed out from heat exhaustion and smiling.  My niece was the biggest help of all.  I don't think it mattered that she was opening up trash cans for poopy diapers-she was absolutely thrilled.

Eat, Sleep, Share & Eat, Sleep, Blog.  My kids are going to be tech sexy.
So many wonderful friends and family came to share the day including some of my preggo friends!

Pregnant women are hot.  Literally, stifling.  I had to take off my sweater.
Overall it was a super fun day with amazing ladies, one very handsome hubby, delicious desserts, beautiful gifts and oh yeah, there was lunch too.  But who notices lunch when there's cake around?

Thank you again to the hostesses and my mom and mother in law for making this such an incredible day!!  I couldn't have asked for a more fun way to ring in baby season!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

It's the Little Moments

There are so many exciting things happening in our lives right now that sometimes it's hard to remember the little moments.  Today's post is dedicated to two of those little special moments.

Moment 1: Lactation Sensation
This morning I ran out of the shower screaming, "I'm lactating! I'm lactating!"  Once I realized Josh was outside doing yard work, I looked down at my huge pregnancy boobs to realize that while shaving I had brushed against my leg and had shaving cream all over my boob.  I was glad to know I wasn't lactating but also a little disappointed because it would have been pretty cool.

Moment 2: I Pee Like it's My Job
I pee an average of 3,476 times a day.  Upon coming out of the bathroom the other evening, I heard Josh say, "What the hell?" as he was going over the mail.  I asked him what the problem was and he replied, "How did our water bill double in one month?" 
I burst out laughing and soon so did he as we realized that I now flush the toilet an average of 3,476 times a day. 
After laughing so hard, I farted, which led me to laugh even harder until, go figure, I peed my pants, only 30 seconds after coming out of the bathroom.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Bris Invitation

As you know, there's a lot of planning when it comes to having a baby, or two.  I like to be a couple of steps ahead for when I'm thrown into motherhood and lying on the floor in a pool of my baby's vomit.  Not that that's ever going to happen, probably.

So in planning ahead, I wanted to have the Bris invitation ready to go so we could email it as soon as everything's set after the babies are born.  There are not many online Bris invitation options but I finally found one that I think is perfect and really connects with the Jewish tradition. 

Another thing checked off my to-do list!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Still Love You Sugar.

Today I had a glucose test where the OB checked to see how high my blood sugar is.  It's super awesome but not really.  You have to drink this orange (horrible imitation) gatorade with an adorable name (Glucola) and then get a finger prick.  If you fail, you have to do a longer, more invasive test to see if you have Gestational Diabetes. 

Today, my friends, I failed the initial test.  I had some tears in my eyes because I hate failing, and because I'm pregnant, but it's not uncommon, especially for us with double trouble in our bellies.

Here's the magical glucose drink:

It tastes pretty crappy and made me a little nauseous.  Or it could have been in my head because I read the label which said it can cause nausea at which point I started feeling woozy.  Sort of the chicken and the egg conundrum. 

But here's the big thing I want to discuss about this "drink."  This drink has 50 grams of sugar in it.  Now, a Krispy Kreme chocolate glazed donut with sprinkles has 23 grams of sugar in it.  So here's my question.  Why couldn't I have had 2 Krispy Kreme donuts instead of the stupid drink?

In simpler terms:

So for my test next week I'm thinking about bringing in a box of Krispy Kremes to see if maybe we can have a little negotiation.

And for those of you who are unaware (and seriously missing out,) for a limited time only Krispy Kreme has their pumpkin spice cake donuts out!!

The 4 of these I ate last week might have led to the failing of my glucose test.  TOTALLY WORTH IT.

*Krispy Kreme does not pay me to advertise their products but I will gladly take their money.  I love you Krispy Kreme.  Not like puppy love or first high school boyfriend love.  I'm talking stars in the eyes, loss of breath forever kind of love.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Couch Girl

Yesterday we had our 28 week appointment with hot doc.  The kids are thriving coming in at 2 pounds 7 ounces each.  In other words, we're breeding some beefcakes here.

The doctor said that I'm doing so well, I could continue my normal level of activity.  Josh and I both started laughing.  Josh said, "You mean, inactivity?"

A pregnant friend of mine said she and her husband took a 45 minute walk the other morning.  I told her Josh and I took a walk to our mailbox.  He practically had to push me back up the driveway.

Let's just say I'm taking it easy.

So on the way home from the hospital yesterday, the car in front of us had the following window decal.

Me:  Do you think if I put that on my car, people driving behind me will think I'm athletic?

Josh:  Probably.

Me:  I'm totally going to get one.

Josh:  Maybe you should get one that says, "Couch girl."

I love my husband.  And he's right.  So I made one for myself.

I'm thinking about starting a club.  Josh is a runner and he runs with people all the time like it's some sort of fun club.
Personally I'd rather slit my wrists with people.

So I'm starting a couch club.  If you want to join, email me, because there's no way in hell I'm getting off this couch to answer your phone call.  It's all about commitment, people.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Don't Shake The Baby

Today we went to our final pregnancy class!  Infant CPR is totally awesome.

Before we left for the class, Josh asked if we needed to bring anything.  I told him they would prefer if we could bring our own unconscious baby but since we don't have one we'll just have to make do with what they provide.

I learned 2 very important things in this class.
1.  Don't shake the baby
2.  Don't keep a 6 pack of water bottles in the back of your CRV.

I also learned other stuff but these two stood out in my mind the most.  First of all, I'd like you to meet my husband, Josh and our scary-ass CPR babies.

Don't shake us.  We will kill you in your sleep.
I asked Josh if your infant had to be silver or wearing a Star Wars style vest before you administer CPR.  He didn't know but he sure looks comfortable holding our two, stiff, murderous babies.

We met our instructor and I knew off the bat I wouldn't like the guy.  He was one of those older dudes that had a story for EVERYTHING and 99.9% of his stories sucked to listen to.  He made a lot of references to watching football so I zoned out the majority of the class.  He also had a lot of advice and info that didn't relate to the class at all so sometimes I was unsure if we were still supposed to be learning or if we could leave.

In case you didn't know, when you check to see if your baby is okay, DO NOT SHAKE THE BABY.  Apparently this is child abuse and can cause severe harm to the infant.  So I've decided to revamp yesterday's sign for the babies' room.

I also mentioned that we learned about the dangers of water bottle storage in your car.  Apparently, in a car accident a 6-pack of water bottles moving at 65 miles an hour weighs like 400 pounds.
He didn't mention housing dead bears in your car, so I'm going to assume water bottles are the only issues.

We also talked about unsafe home situations like burns and fires and children choking on peanuts or cocktail olives.  Why the hell I'd have cocktail olives strewn about the floor for baby to choke on I'm not so sure.  Unless my babies are throwing a martini party I don't know about, in which case we have bigger problems than cocktail olives.

Then we got to watch a video that I didn't actually watch.  I think it was about keeping your home safe but isn't that what you pay a baby proofer for?  When you have a money tree in your backyard like we do, life is an endless possibility of paying other people to do the things you don't want to do.

I guess the biggest disappointment about the class was that we didn't get to take home the CPR babies.  I thought they'd make really good Halloween decorations and then we could even attach a bow and arrow to their arms for Valentine's Day.  I'm going to start researching where I can buy some of these things.  I just feel like our life will not be complete without CPR babies in it.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Still Decorating the Nursery

It's so hard to finish a nursery when there's so much amazing stuff out there to decorate with!  This morning Josh and I were walking through an outdoor festival where I found this awesome frame.

Me:  Honey!  We HAVE to get this for the nursery

Josh: What?  Why would we put this sign in the nursery?  It makes no sense.

Me:  Are you kidding me?  It's totally educational.  Our kids can learn about time and international time zones from the comfort of their cribs.  I mean, the sign is true.  It IS 5 o'clock somewhere.

Josh:  What about the "Sweet Dreams" sign over there?

Me:  THAT sign?? It's totally creepy.

Josh:  What's creepy about it?

Me:  I just hear this eerie voice being like, "Sweet dreams" and then the sound from the psycho movie shower scene-REE REE REE REE!

Needless to say we couldn't come to an agreement on a sign for the nursery.  I might just make a sign.
Maybe something like this:

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Have Trunk, Will Travel

So, disappointing news- One of my babies did not actually move down to my butt like I thought.  Josh did some research (probably because he felt weird saying goodnight to one baby in my belly and one in my butt) and found out it's my sciatic nerve.  Apparently one of the babies is making a chew toy out of it or something and now my butt hurts and I can't walk properly.

But that's okay because I have a plan.

I found this totally awesome site!

So these people typically rent out their elephant to transport the groom at Indian wedding ceremonies.  But I was like, if a groom can ride an elephant, why can't I?  They're located in California but their slogan is "Have Trunk, Will Travel" and I came to Georgia from California so I figure it can't be so difficult to get an elephant here.  Probably easier than traveling on a plane with two infants, come to think of it.

The only snag in this whole plan is aside from getting the elephant here, the cost to rent this guy is $500 per hour.  But check out this awesome saddle upgrade I'm totally going to get!

This saddle is called The Grand Howdah.  I don't know what a howdah is but I am so going to get up on this bad boy and be like, "Howdah down there bitches!  Check me out!"
Josh is out of town on business but when he gets back tonight, we are totally going to have a talk about renting me an elephant.  It makes so much more sense than driving my CRV.  I mean, that thing doesn't even have an umbrella.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My Pregnancy Theories

Because I get ultrasounds once a month, I have about 4 weeks at a time where I have to pretty much speculate what's going on with the twinkadinks and my body.

Currently, I have decided that one of the babies has moved to my right butt cheek.  I don't know how this happened but I can guarantee you on my next visit, they're going to have to ultrasound my butt.  I can barely walk today and thank goodness I know why.  It's great that I'm so logical and intelligent because I don't have to go crying to the doctor anytime something seems off.

Also, I had a tiny mole on the left side of my stomach that is now threatening to become its own planet.  I can't decide if the cause is aliens or if I'm housing a secret galaxy on my stomach circa 1997's Men in Black.

Also, I have lost complete control of my bladder.  In fact, I'm not even sure I have one anymore.  Some women complain of peeing their pants when sneezing or coughing.  Well, I pee my pants when laughing.  Someone online recommended using a maxi pad.  Thank you Florence Henderson, but I don't think a Kotex is going to solve the Niagra Falls issue that happens anytime something mildly amusing occurs. 

So there are a few facts here:
1.  I shouldn't sit anymore because I don't want to squish the butt baby.
2.  Along with thinking of names for the babies, I now have to come up with a name for this planet/galaxy I'm growing.
3.  I'm going to need to stock up on laundry detergent because not only will the babies pee their pants, so will I.

Monday, October 10, 2011

A Total Waste of Money: A Product Review

Yesterday Josh and I took our weekly trip to the grocery store.  Josh picked out fruit and vegetables while I stared at the prepackaged caramel wondering how each little thing could possibly provide enough caramel for one apple.  Eventually we made it to the cereal aisle.  I was running out of Honey Nut Cheerios and needed to restock. 

Here are a few of my favorite cereals:

*Notice that these cereals have WHOLE GRAIN.  That's good for you, right?  Well, Josh (the sugar police) never liked me eating these cereals before pregnancy and definitely doesn't approve of them now.
If you're ever in the Brookhaven area and see an adult woman throwing a hissy fit in the cereal aisle at the local grocery store, c'mon over and say hi.

Needless to say, every week we have to find a compromise.  This week, I happened upon this jolly box:

Looks like cinnamon toast crunch, right?  Well, you are Totally wrong.  This is not cinnamon toast crunch.  Here's what was so enticing about this box of breakfast goodness:
Yes, you're looking at this right-this box has like 100% of everything you need in your daily diet-which should have been an indication to me that it would taste like Total crap.  It's like General Mills went and sprinkled cinnamon on dog food and cardboard, mixed them up and stuck them in this pristine little box.  Another unnoticed indication that I wouldn't like this cereal was that there's no mascot.  I wonder who'd they pick anyway-a 95 year old man whose teeth had all fallen out?

Final Product Review: Don't buy this stuff.  It tastes like Total poop on a stick.  You'll Totally wonder why you spent over $4 on a box on 15.4 ounces of sweetened dog food.  I miss you Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  I'm sorry I ever doubted you.  I Totally am.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Give me my Chicken McNuggets

I've mentioned before how much I love McDonald's.  This has nothing to do with pregnancy.  This is just pure golden arches love.  Well, a couple of months ago I had very slow service at the McDonald's drive-thru.  I'm talking 15 minutes for 3 cars slow.  I would have gotten out of the line but I was blocked in by a car in front and a car in back plus I really wanted my freakin' fries.

So I waited, ate my fries on the way home, and promptly wrote an email to the online complaint department at McDonald's.
Lo and behold, today I received a phone call from a Ms. Juanita (apparently some bigwig at McDonald's) who told me she would like to offer me a free meal at the offending location!  I was so excited, I was practically dancing when I got off the phone.  Josh asked what the good news was and I did a little raise the roof while I sing songed, "I got a free meal at McDonald's I got a free meal at McDonald's!"  Josh rolled his eyes and went back to his post-Yom Kippur football viewing. 

But now I'm stuck in a bit of a conundrum.  You see, Juanita said that I could get a free meal but I didn't ask her what was included in this alleged meal.  I mean, I'm pregnant.  What might be a "meal" to some could be a mere snack for my belly full of babes.
I'm going to assume it means I get an appetizer, drink, nuggets, fries, and dessert.  And maybe an extra dessert.  Just because.  I mean, Juanita even said how nice my complaint letter was.  She was complimenting me on complaining! 

Yeah, I know how to get sh*t done.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Like it or Not

I often wonder what our kids will be like.  Aside from what they'll look like (straight brown hair, not that tall, cute as hell...) I really can't wait to know their little personalities.  I definitely have some of both my parents in me and Josh definitely has some of both his parents in him so I decided to compile a list of our likes to see if maybe the things we appreciate will be things our kids will appreciate, or if we'll have to brainwash them.

Of course, our kids will develop their own list of "likes" or we'll end up with two cake eating, Disney watching, spreadsheet making Vegas gamblers with a football addiction.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

What Would I Do All Day Without Pinterest?

This morning on Pinterest I found the following picture:

The suggestion for the photo is to take a picture of your baby sitting in the food you craved most during pregnancy.  Super cute and all but what if you craved guacamole?
I'd be sticking one kid in a bowl of Israeli pickles and the other in a bowl of McDonald's chicken nuggets and french fries.
I get how this idea would be cute if I craved fruit loops...

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My Love/Hate Relationship With the Mall

Today I had some errands to run including a little trip to the mall.  Trips to the mall aren't what they used to be.  I used to hear angels sing when I walked through the double automatic doors into the air conditioned hub of platform wedges, cinnamon sugar pretzels, perfume counters and a multitude of shiny, glossy things that I simply. Must. Have.
Now, a trip to the mall involves a bathroom stop every 25 minutes, practically running past the odor that is Bath and Body works so I don't vomit all over the shiny mall floors and watching skinny people try on stilettos that I dream of putting back on my sad little feet that hurt when I stand for more than 5 minutes at a time.
And yet, I still love the mall.  Today I was making a trip to buy "dressy" maternity clothes.  The PJ thing is awesome but I still need to look human now and then.  And yet, spending $300 on maternity clothes isn't anywhere near as exciting as spending $40 on five dresses, 3 pairs of leggings and a1980s reincarnate jean jacket at Forever 21.
The mall was full of pregnant women today.  All I could think was, "They don't look nearly as miserable as I feel right now.  Maybe they all just ate at Pretzel Time."  Meanwhile, I'm walking around having to pee and feeling like my vagina is going to fall off any minute.
Needless to say, I got my clothes, my vagina stayed in tact and I arrived home only a little worse for wear.  As I walked up the path to my front door, shopping bag in hand, the bottom of the bag fell out as did all my new clothes.  I would have just left them and waited for Josh to pick them up when he got home, but here in Atlanta it can rain at the drop of a hat and I just didn't want to take a chance.
All I can say is thank goodness for internet shopping.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Wall Art With a Message

I have just enough time to write this post while my lunch of champions (Kraft Mac n' Cheese) is boiling away.
I've previously discussed designing the twinks' nursery with many incredible ideas.  We truly are in the final stages of design and now I'm focusing all of my attention on wall art.  I could be focusing it on organizing the closet, but I need room in there to store the children if necessary so I don't want to mess with it too much.

There's tons of cute wall art out there for children's nurseries but a lot of it is a bit too fluffy for my taste.  I like things simple and bold-like original Doritos.  I thought about putting multiple Doritos bags around the walls of the nursery but they just didn't go with the bedding.
*Very cool slightly dangerous sidenote:  if you microwave a small empty chip bag for about 5 seconds, it shrinks down to barbie size.  There will be some sparks and fear of your microwave blowing up, (that's why I use the one at the convenient store) but it's totally worth it when you see that cutesy mini chip bag come out all sparky and happy.

So when it comes to wall art I'd like to show you something circulating the stores like a California wildfire.

I hate this sign.  I am so tired of seeing this damn sign everywhere.  The original phrase was put out by the British during the 2nd world war to encourage people to get through the day.  That's a fine message and all but jeez louise people, move on!  For all we know, some company is printing this phrase on toilet paper as I type.
So by my obvious disdain, this sign is not going up in our nursery.  However, I have found a couple of alternatives that I can actually put up with.

What do you think of this one?  I like the simple message and the fact that it's slightly twisted.

The next one is great too!  It has a bit more detailed directions as well...

The only problem with this one is it says, "panic, dumbass" and we're having two children so I think maybe I should find someone who can change it to "panic, dumbasses."

Decisions, decisions...

Monday, October 3, 2011

I am Not Wonderwoman But I am Still The Queen of the World

My life is awesome.  I have it pretty damn good.  Some days however, everyone just feels peed on, you know?  Some days I feel like I can take on the world and other days I cry because I don't have clean underwear.  So today I'd like to offer a humble post of things that I am no longer capable of doing as my pregnant self.

1. I can't button sweaters-not even the one button under the boobs.  Luckily I've packed on some winter blubber so I no longer feel the need to button sweaters.  But I have this really cute little yellow sweater that ties in a bow that I can no longer wear.  I miss you yellow sweater.  And I still love you.  You're just made for the me that had abs.

2.  I can't eat like it's Thanksgiving- I don't really know where my stomach is anymore.  I'm assuming it's somewhere above my butt or in my throat.  Either way, it doesn't hold as much as it used to.  It's super sad really, because second helpings aren't as much of an option anymore.  And I actually have to save room for dessert.  Who wants to plan ahead like that?  I just want to eat like a pig and then complain about how fat I am to Josh later.  Is that too much to ask

3.  I can't remember important things- like right now I can't remember the example I was going to type here to explain how I can't remember things.

4. I can't say the F word enough- I don't know what it is but there is nothing like the F word.  It is the best word ever.  It's a noun, verb, adjective, expletive...It's F-ing amazing.  I know there will be a time when my children will be able to talk and repeat what I say.  Luckily I have a few more months before I have to think about making an F-ing change.

5.  I can't see my lady parts-  Sure I can look in the mirror, but it's just not the same.  Where did my cooch go?  I feel so alone in the world.

6.  I can't remember a time I felt so grateful for all of the "can'ts."  Not being able to do these things mean that I get to do so many other things soon with my little twinkadinks and their amazing dad.  I can't F-ing wait.  

I can't believe how long it's been since I've sucked in for a picture.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Go the F*ck to Sleep

Today is a very exciting day on Twinkadinks.  It's my first book review!  What gives me the right to review books do you ask?  I'm a super awesome genius, that's what.
Today's book is one I'm sure will soon be a classic, taking after ingenious works such as Good Night Moon and Where the Wild Things Are.

This work of brilliance is entitled Go the F*ck to Sleep and is written by Adam Mansbach who typically writes thoughtful and insightful adult novels.  This is his first "children's" book.  Some may say this is a novelty book for adults but I truly believe this book can be enjoyed by everyone-young and old alike!

As a 6 year veteran of teaching elementary school I follow the firm belief that reading aloud to your child encourages a love of reading and a higher level of comprehension.  And it totally helps that this book rhymes.

Every kid loves animals and stuffed bears.  It's like it was written for YOUR kid.  I highly recommend you get this book and read it to your children so they too will love reading as much as you do.  Also, Mr. Mansbach, if you happen to be an avid reader, please send me a copy of your book as I am too cheap to buy my own.  Kisses!
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