Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What's Up Doc?

Yesterday, Josh and I went to a Pediatrician "meet and greet" to get to know our potential doctor. When we got there, the nurse gave us a free container of Similac (baby formula) and some ugly bag disguised as a welcome gift.

This is sort of like a doctor's version of re-gifting.  Their little Similac rep comes by once a week with a bunch of crap and then they give it to unsuspecting parents-to-be who get all excited about free stuff for their bundles of joy.  I've decided to take all of the free stuff I've received-samples, coupons, magazines, and put it in a basket with a big 'ol ribbon and sell it on Ebay.  I figure it'll be a good way to start our children's college funds.  We will make millions selling free stuff.  And then, on the side, I'm going to become a Similac rep because breastfeeding is nasty.  All the doctors emphasize the importance of breastfeeding and then hand out formula like it's powdered gold.  The hospital likes to subsidize formula with breast milk for newborns who need a little more oomph in their diet.  The hospital rotates between three formulas so depending on when your child is born, he or she can get Carnation, Similac, or some other powdered concoction.  Somebody is making millions.  It's like a formula Ponzi scheme.  That might not make sense to those of you who know more about Ponzi schemes than I do but I like to just say stuff and think about what it actually means much later.

So anyway, the Doc is giving us the rundown on himself, the practice, and all the fun stuff there is to know about planning for your baby's pediatrician.  He keeps asking questions while all of the moms and dads look clueless in response.  I turn to Josh and whisper, "we are surrounded by idiots. How can these people not have heard of Moms on Call?  How do they not know how often your child visits the pediatrician the first year?"  Josh turns away from me.  I think sometimes I embarrass him in public.  The doctor then emphasizes the importance of fruit and vegetables in a kid's diet.  Josh asks how important this is for the mom-to-be while looking pointedly in my direction.  I look at the ceiling and whistle because this conversation just went in the direction of stupid.

We then go on a tour of the facility.  We passed an open cabinet full of free medicine samples.  I was hoping to grab a few handfuls to add to my Ebay basket but it was nearly impossible with all of the roaming eyes.  That's one reason I love my dermatologist's office.  They keep the samples in the drawers of the examining room so when the nurse says, "The doctor will be with you shortly" and leaves the room, I go to town on the freebies.  Josh and I have a healthy supply of dermatologist recommended items stocking our home bathroom shelves.  I recommend if they want to keep making money, they do a better job of securing their samples.  When the dermatologist hands me my prescription, I just smile and pat my bag filled with 6 free months worth of that stuff.

All in all, our experience with the doctor was a good one.  We decided to use him as our pediatrician.  I didn't tell him he has no idea what he's in for, but trust me, he has no idea what he's in for.  

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