A lot of people have told me, "you have no idea what you're in for" in response to my pregnancy. Aside from the fact that I am a pregnancy and baby genius I find this comment uncalled for. I don't introduce myself to people and then say, "ps. you have no idea what you're in for by knowing me." I mean, they don't, but I'll let them figure out my insanity along the way. Isn't that half the fun?
I mean, if I come at you wielding a baseball bat, you may not have experienced it yet, but you have an idea of what you're in for.
So I'd like to dedicate this post to things I didn't know but experienced and survived.
I had just moved to Georgia and weighed probably a whopping 90 pounds when I walked into the doors of my high school Fall of '94. (I'm 31 people, stop trying to do the math) In the 4 years I spent there, I peed my pants and had to keep an extra sweatshirt in my locker in case of accidents, I slipped on a pickle in the cafeteria knocking over an entire table and about 20 chairs, and I had my first kiss (totally sloppy and disgusting.) It was probably some of the best years of my life and I wouldn't trade a single moment. Okay, I might trade out the time I went and got the Jennifer Aniston hair cut and ended up looking more like Joan Jett and was serenaded throughout the halls with I love Rock and Roll.
Driving a Car
Oh, the responsibility of driving a car! I was so nervous the first day my mom took me out and I either stopped 20 feet before the stop sign or 20 feet after. Now that I just roll stop signs it's a lot easier. I practiced driving like a pro and read all of the DMV books. On the day of my driver's test, I got a perfect score on the written exam and a perfect score on the driver's portion-yeah I aced that sh**. And then one week later, I got in an accident in a parking lot where my statement on the police report was, "I just didn't look hard enough." I JUST DIDN'T LOOK HARD ENOUGH?? What the hell was wrong with me. I'll tell you what the hell was wrong with me-I was 16. and guess what, I survived!! Here I am, a couple of speeding tickets later and no worse for the wear.
Teaching 1st Grade
People say dealing with one baby is difficult-try twenty 6 year olds! It was actually very similar to having my own child, I suppose. I got hugs and was told, "I love you" and I also got thrown up on and screamed at, "You're not my mom!" I tied shoes, buttoned pants, re-did pony tails, opened pudding snack packs, and while my kids were at PE, I would turn off the lights in my classroom and sleep under my desk. And walking in on my first day, I wasn't exactly sure what I was in for, but guess what? I didn't only survive, I had a blast!
So to all those nay-sayers out there. Let me find my own way. Let me talk like I think I know everything. And if I don't I'll figure it out soon enough. And if you want to stand there, shaking your head with that "I told you so" expression, feel free. But just be warned, there may come a time where I drop off two screaming babies at your house unexpectedly while I go shopping at the mall. Now who doesn't know what they're in for?