Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Beautiful Changes OR What the Eff is Happening to my Body?

Last week I went bra shopping with my mom because I didn't own a single bra that fit me anymore.  It was sort of reminiscent of middle school when I insisted I needed bras because all the other girls in gym class would see me without one.  So my mom and I ventured out to get the "AAAA kiddie bra for flat chested girls who don't want to be embarrassed in PE class."
Of course, now I have gargantuan boobs (TMI? read another blog, people) so bra shopping needs to be done with a specialist.  So, EVERY bra the lady puts on me, my mom says, "Oh! I have that bra!"  I turned to my mom and said, "You are so not helping telling a 30 year old that her 55 year old mom has the same bra."
Eventually I left the store with my two "old lady" bras and a hefty price tag only, I'm sure, to have to return again in a month for bigger bras. 
(I want to give an "I hate you" shout out to Victoria's Secret for stocking such limited sizes and horribly unsupportive bras)

So the true point of this post is to enlighten you to the fact that 1. If you are pregnant, your body is changing and 2. If you're not pregnant, sit back, enjoy a diet coke and some raw sushi, and laugh at your friend's pockmarked face and horrible posture.

The many ways my body has changed in the last 4 1/2 months:
Huger Boobs 
This would actually be way more awesome if I didn't have the stomach to go with them.  I considered using my new endowments to start stripping and making some baby money but I think my stomach would get in the way of the pole.
Furry Tummy
I think I am turning into a bear.  I hope I get to give birth before the transformation is complete.
I walk like a duck
Ok, I sort of walked like a duck before pregnancy but I wanted to throw this in there so that now people can just attribute it to my pregnancy.
So I think the only advantage to the amount of acne I now have (and can we say backne? WTF) is that people will think I'm younger and maybe vying for a spot on MTV's 16 and Pregnant. 

I am so excited because there are so many more weird changes ahead, like a dark line under my belly button, bigger feet, and chipmunk face.  Don't know what these are?  Have no fear.  I will give you all the details in due time...

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