Monday, July 30, 2012

Seven Months of Diapers x 2

Another monthly post from Josh for your reading pleasure...

Austin and Summer,
When I was a kid, I used to have a recurring dream.  It was the only one I ever had, and I could never figure out why I had it.  I would be running (which was odd, because I never ran any distance longer than a fewer hundred feet at a time back then) and my legs would get so tired that they essentially stopped functioning and I would have to grab only stationery objects and propel myself forward in order to keep going.  If I had a psychic with a crystal ball analyze those dreams, she probably would have told me that it meant I was stuck in a rut and desperately trying to work my way out of it.  But I was like 12 years old, happy as can be, without a problem or worry in the world, so clearly that wasn’t the case.  What’s odd is that ever since I started actually running, that dream has never made a re-appearance.  I guess I’ll never know what those dreams meant or if they meant anything at all, but I’ve been reminded of them watching you two recently.  You’re just on the brink of crawling, but instead of actually being able to move yourselves along the ground to wherever you want to go, you’re still in that stage where you lie on your stomachs, push with all your might with your arms and legs, but the only thing that happens is you flop around like a seal going nowhere.  It’s pretty damn cute, but we know it’s not going to last for long and any day now your mom and I are going to be chasing you around the house as you crawl in opposite directions from one another, wreaking as much havoc as possible.  Ahh, good times on the horizon. 
Onto other news from this month, you’ve both become champion eaters.  Summy, you even eat the green stuff at this point, although every so often you do some really dramatic gagging motion/noise combination to let us know that you’re ready for the sweet stuff now, please.  You’re just like your mommy, except that she’s old enough to just skip straight to the Krispy Kremes without having to fake it on the veggies.  Austin, you’re pretty much like daddy.  You’ll just sit there quietly awaiting your next bite, not really caring so much what it is as long as it’s going in your stomach. 
You’ve also become experts at sitting up.  Watching you guys “play together” while you sit up and grab different toys is an amazing treat for me and your mom.  The best part of it is how your personalities shine through.  Summer, since the day you were born, you’ve been our sweet, soft little princess.  I literally used the word “dainty” in the email I sent to everyone to announce your births only hours after we met you.  I don’t think there’s a word in the English language to better describe you.  When you pick up a toy, you’re like a girl from finishing school picking up her afternoon tea.  You hold it ever so softly, as if it might break if you grabbed it hard.  Austin, you’re a boy’s boy.  You’re like a wrecking ball, smashing and grabbing everything in your path with full force.  Your intentions are sweet as can be, but it’s pretty funny to watch you both sit with the same bucket in between you and have Austin grab it out of the way and dumb everything everywhere while Summer sits sweetly across from you and can only watch it all happen. 
And the newest phenomenon in our happy little household is that our beautiful, sweet baby girl now wakes up in the morning with her face smelling like a combination of urine and sweaty old shoes.  It’s subtle enough that you can’t smell it unless you kiss your face, but when you lean in for that kiss, man it hits you like a ton of bricks.  Somehow it hasn’t stopped me from kissing you a million times a day, but if this keeps up we might have to start you on the perfume a few years earlier than anticipated. 
One last thing about our smelly little princess.  This month, you developed some serious “stranger danger” issues.  Unless you are very familiar with the people around you, you tend to cling to me or your mommy, and there have been a fair amount of waterworks when new people are around.  One really sweet byproduct of this is that every time we leave the house, right when we walk out the door you bury your head into whoever is holding you.  It’s kind of like you want an extra bit of protection as you go out into this big, new world.  Hopefully soon you’ll realize that we’re here to protect you, but every once in a while it’s nice for us (read: your mom) to get a break from holding/watching you all day long.  We promise to keep you safe if you promise you keep us sane.    
I’ll check in with you guys again next month.  Thanks for keeping us feeling young. 
P.S.  You both also started to get teeth this month.  Austin, you currently have one and Summer has two.  There’s not much exciting to write about teeth other than that they exist, so this is really just meant to document something important that happened this month.  And that’s all.  Goodbye again until next time.

Monday, July 9, 2012

A Book Review: Where is Baby's Belly Button by Karen Katz

I know many of you turn to me for answers to your many questions regarding baby knowledge, product reviews and general know-how. And I know that my knowledge pretty much surpasses what the average human being is capable of retaining.

My last book review got about 800,000 hits so I figure it's time for another.
I recommend you grab on to the seat of your pants for this one.  This is one of my all time favorite books as it combines mystery with surprise, and even a little humor.  What more could you ask for in a piece of quality literature?

I now give you, Where is Baby's Belly Button? by Karen Katz.

I love a book that grabs your attention from first glance.  I know you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but I just can't help myself.  It's a tad innocent, some might say coy, a little bit sexy...need I say more?

The action begins right from the first page.

I know, right? Where ARE baby's eyes?  I'm so intrigued.

Shut the f*ck up!  You didn't see that one coming, did you?

I get lost in the beautiful pictures and gripping story line.  It's like the book reaches way down within my soul and introduces me to questions I've never posed before.

Oh, Karen Katz.  You genius, you.

The book gets more intriguing and the many surprises are endless.

Seriously?  How does she come up with this stuff?

Holy hell!  I didn't even think to look behind the cat.  The wheels in my head are turning.  Seriously turning.  I just can't put it down.  I don't even have words.  But thank God Karen Katz does.

I know you don't normally give away the end of a story during a book review but I simply can't help myself.  And I know you're all dying to know what happens.  Here's where the mystery is completely unveiled and you just sit there thinking about it for days.

Up until this point, we've just been searching for parts of the baby.  But wait for it...

That's right folks.  We're searching for the whole damn baby.

I'm not going to tell you what happens although I'm sure you're at the edge of your seat.  But I'll tell you one thing, it's worth reading.  There's a total plot twist. 

If you're still sitting at your computer, get off your butt and go grab Where is Baby's Belly Button by Karen Katz.  It changed my life.  You won't be disappointed.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy 4th of July

To all who are able to enjoy your independence today, go forth and eat some processed, grilled meat.

This is how we pose, bitches.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

An Educational Post About Stuff I know Very LIttle About but Claim to Know a lot About

So Josh and I decided to get with the times and start recycling.

Up until this point, I have helped our environment the following ways:
I refill my Diet Coke at Chipotle at least 3 times to get good use out of the cup.
I put my gum back in my mouth if it falls on the ground so as not to pollute the environment.
I don't clean my house to prevent harmful chemicals from getting in the air.
I buy multiple reusable water bottles, even though I don't drink water, instead of buying bottled water.
I put all my trash inside bigger pieces of trash to save space.
I never wash my car.
I keep my soda cups from McDonald's, Wendys, Chipotle and Chick Fil A neatly arranged around my car so they don't get thrown away.

But now I feel like I should do more.  So I decided to go online and sign up for our local recycling program.
Only, get this.  You can't sign up online.  You have to fill out a form.  With a pen.  And mail it in.  With a check.  What the hell is this?  1985?

Below is the pamphlet.  The right side is the part you're supposed to cut off and mail in.  In your own envelope.  Like in 1955 when you sent in the back of a cereal box to get the Super Secret Spy decoder ring.

When I explained this ridiculousness to Josh, he just said, "The government is always behind on these things," which is quite a surprise to me considering they're all concerned about Cyber Warfare.

What is Cyber Warfare you ask?
Essentially it's fighting on a big internet-sized scale using viruses that unlock the key to other country's biggest financial resources-oil, nuclear plants, generators...

Ugh.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for typing the most boring sentence I've ever typed in my entire life.

How am I such a genius?  Josh makes me watch 60 Minutes every Sunday night.  All I can say is thank God it's not the Kudlow report.  If that's not a show to slit your wrists to, I don't know what is.

My point in all of this is how on earth can the United States even have a chance to get the upper hand in a Cyber Warfare Battle when they don't even know how to use the internet to sign you up for a recycling program or process your credit card?

Now that I think of it, it seems like a total waste of paper to sign up for this recycling program.  I'm going to go internet shopping instead and save the planet.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...