Thursday, August 4, 2011

Registering for Dummies: A Helpful Guide

Welcome to Registering for Dummies! 
Yesterday I spent 2 hours with an incredible baby expert registering for a bunch of crap for my babies.  (On the way to the store, I felt tiny sensations of bubbles popping on both my left and right sides.  I immediately called Josh to tell him that I think the babies know we are going shopping!!!)  And let me tell you, I am totally excited about all of this crap.  Okay, maybe not the extra nipples for the breast pump.  Those aren't really all that thrilling. 
I first had to sit at a registry counter with a very enthusiastic lady and fill out some papers about me, Josh and the twinkadinks so they can punch everything in their system and you can find me online and buy me all the things I won't be able to afford because our babies are going to make us homeless. 
During this 15 minute registry process I went to the bathroom three times.  My bladder apparently was totally against me being there.  Eventually I told my bladder to eff off and just peed my pants while walking through the baby monitor section.
After finishing up the paper work, the lady gave me all this advice that I don't need because I am 4 1/2 months pregnant and know everything I need to know about babies. 
I went through the store with the magic scanner (I am totally going to buy one of those) and scanned countless things that would keep my babies safe, full, occupied, dry, clean, looking snappy, and all around happy so that I can do the simple things like bathe and brush my teeth when I have two 6 week old babies hanging out.  I think my registry totalled up to something like $24,000.  I may have done the math wrong but it's probably pretty close.  By the way, Josh may be a total math whiz but I just don't think the kids have a chance.  Can you sign up infants for remedial math classes? 

So now I offer you some registry advice to help you out while you're standing in front of a wall of burp cloths ready to pass out and wet from having peed yourself in the baby monitor section.

Scan the big things first
These are the most important.  And while you may think that those socks that look like mary janes are the cutest things in the entire world, and they totally are, you can't exactly strap your kid safely in the backseat of your car with a bunch of socks.

Scan scan scan
You're pregnant. You have no idea what's going on half the time.  Just scan everything you think you might need or want and then go back online later and make sure you didn't register for 45 boxes of baby wipes.

Don't be afraid to test out items
Not sure if that Bumbo is comfortable for baby?  Sit in it!  Don't worry.  People do it all the time. 

Ask Questions
They don't even have to be relevant!  It's really nice to get attention when you're pregnant.  So start a conversation with a store employee so you can turn it around and talk about yourself.  There is nothing more fun than talking about your unborn baby for hours on end.

I could give you more advice about baby registering but instead, I'm going to go eat my Stouffers spinach souffle.  I don't know how it's possible for them to stuff that much fat in a vegetable dish but they surprise me every time.  I love you Stouffers.

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