Sunday, October 16, 2011

Don't Shake The Baby

Today we went to our final pregnancy class!  Infant CPR is totally awesome.

Before we left for the class, Josh asked if we needed to bring anything.  I told him they would prefer if we could bring our own unconscious baby but since we don't have one we'll just have to make do with what they provide.

I learned 2 very important things in this class.
1.  Don't shake the baby
2.  Don't keep a 6 pack of water bottles in the back of your CRV.

I also learned other stuff but these two stood out in my mind the most.  First of all, I'd like you to meet my husband, Josh and our scary-ass CPR babies.

Don't shake us.  We will kill you in your sleep.
I asked Josh if your infant had to be silver or wearing a Star Wars style vest before you administer CPR.  He didn't know but he sure looks comfortable holding our two, stiff, murderous babies.

We met our instructor and I knew off the bat I wouldn't like the guy.  He was one of those older dudes that had a story for EVERYTHING and 99.9% of his stories sucked to listen to.  He made a lot of references to watching football so I zoned out the majority of the class.  He also had a lot of advice and info that didn't relate to the class at all so sometimes I was unsure if we were still supposed to be learning or if we could leave.

In case you didn't know, when you check to see if your baby is okay, DO NOT SHAKE THE BABY.  Apparently this is child abuse and can cause severe harm to the infant.  So I've decided to revamp yesterday's sign for the babies' room.

I also mentioned that we learned about the dangers of water bottle storage in your car.  Apparently, in a car accident a 6-pack of water bottles moving at 65 miles an hour weighs like 400 pounds.
He didn't mention housing dead bears in your car, so I'm going to assume water bottles are the only issues.

We also talked about unsafe home situations like burns and fires and children choking on peanuts or cocktail olives.  Why the hell I'd have cocktail olives strewn about the floor for baby to choke on I'm not so sure.  Unless my babies are throwing a martini party I don't know about, in which case we have bigger problems than cocktail olives.

Then we got to watch a video that I didn't actually watch.  I think it was about keeping your home safe but isn't that what you pay a baby proofer for?  When you have a money tree in your backyard like we do, life is an endless possibility of paying other people to do the things you don't want to do.

I guess the biggest disappointment about the class was that we didn't get to take home the CPR babies.  I thought they'd make really good Halloween decorations and then we could even attach a bow and arrow to their arms for Valentine's Day.  I'm going to start researching where I can buy some of these things.  I just feel like our life will not be complete without CPR babies in it.

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