I've been calling different Mohels (ordained penis choppers) in town to figure out who we're going to use. After extensive research I IMed Josh.
3:25 PM I think I found the person to do our bris
and he's $100 cheaper than the other guy
josh: how much does he cost?
3:26 PM josh: ok. no price is too much for my little baby boy to be ok
me: awww sweetie
too bad no one will get to eat
josh: although a doctor doing it for free at the hospital sounds like a sweet deal
me: no sh*t
3:27 PM can't we just pretend to cut it at the bris and then say, "he was so good!! he didn't cry at all!"
nobody gets close enough anyway
josh: i mean, probably
me: hell, if we're doing it that way, i want to perform the "bris"
josh: dont get carried away
3:28 PM me: i don't actually have to cut anything! it'll be easy
remember, i used to do theater
3:30 PM josh: oh yeah
me: and i think my belly button's beginning to pop out
3:31 PM totally attractive
3:34 PM ok. serious question
3:35 PM why don't we have skittles here?
josh: i dont know