Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Josh Deserves a "Dealing with the Psycho Bitch" Present

Many pregnant women expect a "push present" after carrying and delivering baby.  This can be jewelry, something engraved...pretty much any bauble you can put a price tag on and some sentimental value.

Well, I've decided that my husband deserves a "dealing with the psycho bitch" present.  Aside from blaming my craziness on the obvious pregnancy hormones, I think I'm just plain crazy.

Last night, I got up to go to the bathrooms and peed ON THE WAY.  Apparently, I truly need a diaper now.  I wasn't even laughing.  It just happened.  Then I realized, all my "fat" underwear were in the laundry as well as my comfy pajama pants. 

So I threw a full-out fit.  I hit the wall, I threw my pajama pants on the floor and I cried.  I tried on underwear and then screamed that they were too tight as I stuffed them back in the drawer.

Josh offered to do my laundry.  I told him no but he did it anyway.  Then I yelled at him for doing it wrong. 
Then I spent 5 minutes pulling at the waistband of my pants willing them to stretch as I tossed and turned all over the couch groaning and whining.

Finally, I did what any reasonable person in this situation would do.  I asked Josh to get a knife from the kitchen and perform a C-Section on me.  I yelled, "I WANT THEM OUT NOW!  GET THEM OUT OF ME!!"

At this point, I was exhausted and I'm sure Josh was ready to leave for a 2 week vacation to the Bahamas.  So I stopped huffing and puffing and tried to relax with minimal complaining.

And here I am, a day later, back to "normal."  Josh probably walks in the door every evening wondering who's going to greet him at the door-the woman he fell in love with and married, or the incredible pregnant hulk.


  1. I heard an analysis of tantrums on NPR yesterday. According to experts, Josh should have ignored you until you stopped screaming. Once you expend all of your energy, you are much easier to deal with.

    Also, I don't see anything wrong with diapers. Then you won't even have to get up.

  2. The- josh did my laundry and then I yelled at him for doing it wrong part hit waaaay too close to home. Lol I even read this post to my husband and he laughed hysterically at the same part. THANK you! I now have proof that I'm not the only crazy one, though I'm not sure I was even pregnant at the time that happened in our house... Come to think of it my husband is banned from touching my laundry since I have gone bananas after he did it "wrong" more than once!


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