Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Would it be Strange to Decapitate Myself?

I wouldn't change my pregnancy for the world.  I will take every bit of the good and bad it in order to have healthy little people one day barfing on my couches and peeing down the side of my new sundress.  However, these headaches are getting a little out of control.  I mean, I can handle my skin being pockmarked like I'm 15 and even the bouts of nausea that can only be cured by something greasy and fried, but I've been seriously considering self-decapitation.  I could carry my head around with me like some sort of Shakespearean actor until the headaches subside and I'm ready to put it back on.  I mean, I don't really need my head anyway, right?
Josh said he only hopes our children are born with functioning brains.  Apparently with me as their mom, they only have a 50% chance of this.  I mean, there could be way worse odds than that!  My brain functions, just on a different playing field where I invent my own games and I always win.
So back to the serious matter at hand.  I'd like to do a study where 10 people take Tylenol (the headache "curer" for pregnant women) and 10 people take placebos.  Unfortunately, I already know the results so the study would be completely futile.  Tylenol is simply a placebo by any other name.  Someone is making beaucoup bucks marketing sugar pills as "Tylenol" and the masses are sucking them down and emptying their wallets for zero relief!
So I think my next step is to start swallowing actual sugar cubes, like a horse.  I don't know what the effects will be but I can guarantee they will be more satisfying than a couple of Tylenol.  I could digress into an entire other conversation about the placebo they call Airborne but I'll spare you and save that for another day.


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