Diagram of a Pregnant Person

This morning as Josh was reading my weekly pregnancy update, he grudgingly informed me that one of the symptoms I could now expect is flatulence.  We both laughed.  I was like, "then what's been going on the last 32 weeks?"

Poor Josh.  His feminine, sweet wife has turned into a farting, burping, peeing-in-her-pants roly poly thing.

Today I decided to make a diagram to better help you understand the different dimensions of a pregnant person.

Diagram of a Pregnant Person:

 Trust me, this is way better than the diagrams they show you in child birth class.

Being Normal is Not an Option

I cried last night because I soft boiled what were supposed to be hard boiled eggs.  I cracked 4 of them to prove that they were underboiled and threw them in the trashcan.  Then I cried because I had bought the extra expensive Omega 3 eggs and just wasted them.

So I reboiled the rest and they were still under boiled.
So I threw out 2 more eggs.  And cried more because I had just wasted $1.50.

Josh reboiled the last of them and we played a game of Rummikub to ease the tension.

This morning I ate a perfectly hard boiled egg, thanks to the patience of my husband and the fact that there are more than 6 eggs in a dozen. 
I've been boiling eggs my whole life but, somehow, last night just wasn't meant to be.

You go a little crazy when you're pregnant.
I pee my pants.
I laugh hysterically reading product reviews on Amazon.com.  Then I pee my pants and cry because I peed my pants.
I can't wait for Josh to come home and then spend the whole night being psychotic.
I put on my old jeans and complain that they won't button even though I'm less than 6 weeks away from giving birth.

I don't think I'm going to blame pregnancy for all of this.  I think it's the lack of sugar.

But the doctor said I can have a "free day" on Thanksgiving.

Hold on to your pumpkin pies.  I'm going on a rampage.