So Josh and I decided to get with the times and start recycling.
Up until this point, I have helped our environment the following ways:
I refill my Diet Coke at Chipotle at least 3 times to get good use out of the cup.
I put my gum back in my mouth if it falls on the ground so as not to pollute the environment.
I don't clean my house to prevent harmful chemicals from getting in the air.
I buy multiple reusable water bottles, even though I don't drink water, instead of buying bottled water.
I put all my trash inside bigger pieces of trash to save space.
I never wash my car.
I keep my soda cups from McDonald's, Wendys, Chipotle and Chick Fil A neatly arranged around my car so they don't get thrown away.
But now I feel like I should do more. So I decided to go online and sign up for our local recycling program.
Only, get this. You can't sign up online. You have to fill out a form. With a pen. And mail it in. With a check. What the hell is this? 1985?
Below is the pamphlet. The right side is the part you're supposed to cut off and mail in. In your own envelope. Like in 1955 when you sent in the back of a cereal box to get the Super Secret Spy decoder ring.
When I explained this ridiculousness to Josh, he just said, "The government is always behind on these things," which is quite a surprise to me considering they're all concerned about Cyber Warfare.
What is Cyber Warfare you ask?
Essentially it's fighting on a big internet-sized scale using viruses that unlock the key to other country's biggest financial resources-oil, nuclear plants, generators...
Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for typing the most boring sentence I've ever typed in my entire life.
How am I such a genius? Josh makes me watch 60 Minutes every Sunday night. All I can say is thank God it's not the Kudlow report. If that's not a show to slit your wrists to, I don't know what is.
My point in all of this is how on earth can the United States even have a chance to get the upper hand in a Cyber Warfare Battle when they don't even know how to use the internet to sign you up for a recycling program or process your credit card?
Now that I think of it, it seems like a total waste of paper to sign up for this recycling program. I'm going to go internet shopping instead and save the planet.