I was talking to my hairdresser the other day about the ABC show Revenge. I am in love with this show. An entire week went by in which I don't remember watching my kids because I was busy watching Revenge. They're sitting next to me now so I assume they made it through the week okay.
I am obsessed with the show for multiple reasons:
1. I am always devising elaborate schemes to keep my life busy and full of excitement.
2. It's filmed in the Hamptons where I plan to buy my third summer home and play tennis with my hot instructor named Damon who is always shirtless and covered in oil.
3. I plan on becoming a billionaire and donating to numerous causes just so I can attend the tented ocean-front galas supporting the numerous causes and wear sexy gowns and killer Louboutins.
So I decided to talk to Josh about my plans.
Me: So you know how I love the show Revenge?
Me: Well, I've decided that I'm going to plan an insanely elaborate, devious and scandalous revenge.
Me: It's totally an awesome idea. I just have to start coordinating the plans in my head and organize my unsuspecting targets.
Josh: I think you're better off keeping all these ideas in your head.
Me: What do you mean? This will be incredible! Who will suspect a mom of newborn twins to be executing such a tangled web of retribution?
Josh: I think you think you're sneakier than you actually are.
Me: Enough. We never had this conversation. I don't want you involved any more than you already are.
Now all I need to do is learn fluent Japanese, some sort of ancient martial art, buy a new wardrobe and find an adversary worthy of my intention.