My Big Ass Belly and Tiaras

So my latest obsession is TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras.  It is insanely ridiculous which makes it insanely awesome.  The best part of the whole show are the tantrums.  "Oh, my daughter just loves doing pageants" as her two year old is pulling her hair out and screaming bloody murder on the dressing room floor.

Look at me mommy!  I'm 45 years old!

So, as I'm watching, I decided that I totally need to enter a maternity beauty pageant.  I want the whole thing-tantrums at all.  Trust me, I can throw a damn good tantrum.  I just love the idea of a bunch of pregnant women waddling on stage to compete for "Best Dressed" or "Ms. Congeniality."
People say that pregnant women are glowing.  Have you seen a pregnant person lately?  "Glowing" was me on my senior year spring break cruise in my cute bikini.  Now I would describe me more as "paling with a spattering of acne."
And yet I'm still totally about this maternity beauty pageant idea.  The grand prize can be a crown and a year-long Weight Watchers membership.  We could compete in categories like "Biggest Circumference" or "Maternity Swimwear."
So this blog may be short-lived as I move into the world of Maternity pageants and become a multi-millionaire encouraging pregnant women to show off their "glow."  I guess I'll have to start looking for bigger sashes.