The Perks of Being a Mom

Sometimes being a mom is hard work. 

I've been covered in vomit, pee, poop, snot and weird unidentifiable goopy substance that came from somewhere on my kid's body. 

I've been strolling through Target where the only sound that could be heard for miles is the shrill ear-splitting scream of my darling baby girl.
Do I stop my shopping and admit defeat?  Hell no.  It's go time. They're having a sale on Krispy Kremes and there are new Halloween Sprinkles in the dollar bins. 
Shriek on, little one.

Along with the obvious joy of having children that are gorgeous geniuses, and aside from the strange bodily fluids, there are some pretty cool things about being a mom.

1.  You now have free rein of the Carpool Lane.  So long suckers...I get to drive somewhere faster than you because I'm carpooling with babies.

2.  You can ask for a free toy/cookie/balloon for your kids and reap the benefits of having babies with no teeth.  Thank you Publix supermarkets. 

3.  I now have a stroller that can hold two babies, a diaper bag, a full day's worth of a shopping haul, a large diet coke and an ice cold Frappucino.  Stop and ask me about my amazing stroller.  You won't be the first.

4.  Allow me to introduce you to my Marc by Marc Jacobs Pretty Eliza Diaper bag.  Need I say more?

5.  You can now rightfully judge those women you see as unfit mothers because you have experience.

6.  You can compete with other moms to see whose baby hits different milestones first.  And if it's not your baby...well that other baby can suck it.

7.  Baby shoes.  Tiny, absolutely pointless, probably serve no purpose but to destroy my child's feet before he can walk, baby shoes.

8.  Accessories.  Babies are like accessories with accessories.  Double the fun.

9.  You get to plan a 1st birthday EXTRAVAGANZA!  And all of the other birthdays.  And each year you get to add a zero to the end of the budget from the previous year ensuring that your child will have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah priced in the millions.  If you're not Jewish, seriously consider converting when you have kids.  Did someone just say themed party with a candy table??

10.  And really, one of THE only reasons to have babies.  Tushies.

And don't forget the most important thing about being a mom.  You're still you.  You can still do all of the things you did before you became a mom. 

Do I still lean my head out the window and honk and whistle while the high school boy's Cross Country team runs by?  Hell yes I do.